3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
