You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
