oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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