I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She needs sedatives and a leash
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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