Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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