i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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