so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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