She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
