I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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