dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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