Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
