I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize