i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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