3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I will be naked everywhere
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
