So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
