Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
