Duck Duck Cougar?
Hippo gnu deer
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
