How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
