Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
