My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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