Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
