I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
