Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
