i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my shit smells like andre
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
