Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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