he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
