Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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