Where are you?
In a non slutty way
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
