Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
