I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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