Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
