Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
