Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
