Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
