is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
