i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
