My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
