Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize