I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
