Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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