He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
