i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
