So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
