New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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