Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
