My friends, they love my intelligence
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
