If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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