Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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