no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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