My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
