im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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