I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
