Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
