i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
