I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
