He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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