how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
