Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
