he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
