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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

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• (650): View more from California

  i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.

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• (760): View more from California

  He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  That depends, how hot is your boss?

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.

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• (569): View more from

  My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.

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