you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Michael Bay diarrhea
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
