Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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