Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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