this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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