The maid of honor just puked.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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