We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
