apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
