Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
