I think im going to throw up on grandma
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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