Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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