someone threw a dead crab at me
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize