hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
