Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
3pm strippers are depressing
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
