Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
