Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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