just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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