Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
