Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
